Social events after a brain injury are exhausting, challenging, complicated (dare I say miserable). For me personally, my social anxiety has gone through the roof. I am hyper self conscious and cannot get out of my head. Therefore, I always prefer one on one to being in a group- and I used to be quite social before my injury.

In groups it has been really difficult for me to talk at the right time. I can’t flow in and out of the conversation. I have to really think about when to say something, and I can’t figure out how to say things at the right time. This either leads to not talking at all, or talking too much when not appropriate. Usually I feel like an outsider viewing the group and conversation from above or some separate place. I am now an observer- not ever a participant.

I don’t plan to copy Instagram posts in all of my blog posts, but one more is very relevant to this topic, and easier on my brain than thinking up original content! And so another nod to the incredible community of those with brain injuries supporting each other on social media.

Thank you @concussionrescue for providing these points of advice for navigating social functions:

1. “Try to find a quiet spot away from the noise and movement.
2. Set an alarm on your phone for the time you think you can handle. Say 30 minutes. When your alarm goes off, go home or go hide away somewhere quiet for a while
3. If you can’t leave, make sure to take a break at least every half hour, if only for a couple minutes.
4. Take someone with you who knows your symptoms well. They can step in and get you out of there before bad TBI you kicks in.
5. Monitor yourself for heavy fatigue. Once fatigue sets in, then your filter falls away and TBI truthbombs can start dropping.
6. If you’re in doubt, don’t say it. Social conversations require lots of focus and awareness. This can get burnt up pretty quick if you’re tired.
7. Be careful with humor. How it sounded in your head can be very different from how it comes out with a brain injury
8. Try to think in advance about standard answers to the usual questions people ask.
9. Don’t be too hard on yourself. There are going to be embarrassing fuckups. The amount of times I’ve rambled on when someone asks a simple question or I’ve said something abrupt and interrupted the flow of conversation. Just accept its part of the healing process.

Earlier this year I discovered that there are endless numbers of people with brain injuries who post on Instagram about their recovery. It serves a couple of main purposes: educating those around them about brain injuries and what they are going through & connecting with other TBIers who are going through something similar. Many times someone posts something, and I think wow that explains exactly what I could not seem to put into words.

Recently a post by @brainstormforbraininjury really spoke to me, especially the part in bold about what is difficult after injury:

“Here’s the thing when you look at someone who just can’t seem to get it together or that life is constantly a struggle, that’s not a typical life. Sure, people can make bad choices that have far-reaching consequences, but most people don’t choose that over and over. If you see someone who just barely keeps their head above water, there may be something going on like a brain injury. Most of the time there is no tell-tale sign that someone lives with a brain injury, but it will complicate their lives in every way.

“Planning, organizing, remembering, getting started, following through, speaking, relating, coordinating, sleeping, regulating, anticipating, these are all things that a healthy brain does automatically. For the brain injured, all of these things are harder. It can make every aspect of life impossible.

“Its not laziness, rudeness, obstinacy, or anything else so next time you see someone on thise type of journey, offer a hand up. Help out. Offer words of encouragement. Be patient. Advocate. Donate money to a brain injury cause and definitely protect your head.”