“Yikes I am going too fast,” I thought. My adrenaline surged as I was slightly out of control on my skis. All of the sudden there was a steep icy section. “It is too icy to turn and slow down,” I thought. I’ll have to go straight down it. Then I noticed beneath it was a hard packed, sheet of ice catwalk that curved sharply to the right. Crap, I must slow down, I thought. I attempted a small turn and caught an edge. I flew in the air backwards down the rest of the steep section. I landed at the bottom, on ice as hard as a rock, on the back of my head.

Did I lose consciousness for a second? I wasn’t sure. I laid there for who knows how long, and then finally realized I needed to move so someone didn’t slam into me. M had already rounded the corner and was out of sight. Someone stopped and asked if I was ok. I said I thought I was. I felt really weird and out of it, but I eventually got up and skied around the corner and found M.

I remember skiing the rest of the way down the mountain. Every leaf on the trees was crystal clear. I felt like I was high. I had no idea this was going to be my last ski day of the year and probably ever.

That evening I felt “off” and weird and out of it, but I did not go directly to the hospital. My body was fine. I could walk and talk and seemed relatively normal. I was so out of it I wasn’t thinking logically and didn’t know to see a doctor. 

Lying in bed that night was the most disconcerting of the day. I felt like I was floating above the bed, floating above my body. I know now that this was the moment I left my brain and my body. My brain would from now on be a separate entity and I would have to get to know this new self and new body that was not me.

The following day we drove back to M’s place in Avon. (Note: M and I had met less than 6 weeks prior to this!!) All I remember is that he was playing the music really loud in the car. I was uncomfortable. But I did not say anything to him. Putting things into words would become an all too familiar problem. The morning after I got up early to drive back to Denver and go straight to work. During this drive, I started to feel hot, really sick, panicky, and suffocated. I was terrified. Miraculously I made it back to Denver and straight to a hospital. 

The ER doctor spent about 10 minutes with me and did a quick exam. He determined that yes, I had a concussion, but that I did not have any bleeding in my brain, and therefore did not need a CT scan. He instructed me not to be on the computer, phone, watch tv, or read the rest of the week. He instructed to ease back the couple weeks afterwards. I called my office and let them know, thinking this would be a tough week with no technology.